I understand in hindsight that my disregard for set and setting was foolish. writing this down today helped me process the experiences and reliving them in my head was catharctic and made me appreciate them more than fear them. The trip reports and the contextual information are somewhat incomplete, but this post is long enough already, I'm thankful to anyone taking the time to read this and share a bit of their own wisdom.
First time i tried salvia was at a friend's house,2 years ago, a group was smoking weed in the living room while i prepared the salvia leaves for chewing and then went to his room and sat in darkness with instrumental music and chewed the leaves, was thinking about when it's going to hit me, was focused on the sensations of my mouth when my teeth begun commenting on things,talking to each other, the upper part of my mouth too, my tongue as well, they kept talking to each other about me and what i was doing, and it was almost like a disney musical or an opera, my tongue was the Lead, the high pitched female vocalist in operas and the boss, like Ursula in the little mermaid. At first it didn't seem strange that my mouth was a whole little ecosystem,but after I realised i was tripping the participants of this little musical begun hushing each other "he can hear us! be quite" at that point i spit the salvia ball and went inside with my friends, I lay on the couch and i'm laughing randomly at things that shouldn't be funny (mundane things, not "inappropriate" things), haven't laughed like that since then, a friend asks me what i'm seeing, while i wasn't seeing anything and thought that the trip was finished, i didn't want to disappoint and just tried to see something, a somewhat coherent image of scrolls on shelves came into view,as if in a movie the camera zoomed out and i could see I was inside a white tower kind of structure that was on fire, in the distance was a coastline, I think I saw Alexandria burning.
other than that in-between my next trips i tried smoking 5x extract from a pipe, vision vibrated a bit at first but no break-through, just a slightly bizzare weed-like headspace.
My first actual completely perception shattering experience was a few months back,had just gotten salvia 10x extract and was anxious to try it. I was at my parent's aparment, at the end of my gap-year (a waste of time during which I deteriorated as person,and was avoiding responsibilities and at the end of which I was, and still am, numb and nihilistic after some disappointments and the subsequent loss of confidence in myself), My mother was away and my Dad hadn't yet come home, a couple friends came to the apartment, one was also excited to try salvia, So in my then careless and irresponsible state of mind, I thought "why not here, now" knowing that my Dad might be home in the coming hour, so I think I smoke first then my friend, because ill be sober by the time Dad is home and I will be capable of handling the situation (didnt really think it through), so I prepare the salvia, put on some spiritual psychedelic music and lit up some Frankincense because a pretentiously spiritual atmosphere felt appropriate at the time.
So I light up the pipe, draw in, Right as I feel the effect creeping in, my friend takes the pipe to fill it for himself, at that moment I realise how fucking stupid I am, and how this is irresponsible and Stupid, I get up to try and stop him, but as i stand up and go to him I switch dimensions. In reality my other friend reports that I hit myself with a slap real hard and then went to bang my head on the wardrobe, my first friend then grabbed me by the arm and tried to keep me from hurting myself. In my head I perceive myself as part of an endless Motif, which is made up of me, my surroundings and my friends, Like the tooth of a giant zipper whose ends swirl around to infinity, and it feels like the most real nightmare I cannot escape, My real life and self are concepts I'm struggling to remember,I go up and down in this world, carried like the drop in an ocean, incapable to exert any influence.
My friends feel like malevolent parts of the Machine i've just realised i'm a Cog of, almost making fun of me for my Naivety and ignorance, an eternity passes in this world until it just subsides to a more well organized but still very confusing world-frame, Now I'm still struggling to remember who I am in this world, I feel like a child again, trying to realise how I connect to all the people in my life, my parents, my friends, I walk around rooms trying to escape, trying to remind myself, in the Living room i sit for a moment to cool down,but then It feels foreign, like my childhood friend's living room (who i haven't talked to in years),My brain still feels made of jam, Having real trouble communicating with friends, I don't know how much they know and understand of the world I was just perceiving, they seem indifferent to what i was just through,as if they are disregarding my experiences, or not responding as i'd expect them to respond and I feel alone and confused because of this. A friend follows me around the house concerned I might hurt myself, which is annoying because I'm mostly Lucid right now and I feel insulted almost, I'm still struggling with how to act right now and can't read the situation well, remembering my Father might be coming home soon, I take a quick cold shower which helps me focus and having composed myself, head out with my friends, meeting my Dad at the bottom entrance of the apartment building.
A terrible sense of guilt grew on me later about the situation, about how my Father would have been hurt had he found me in that state, how Irresponsible I was and got away with it made me almost sad, for the universe always seems to forgive my faults and mistakes and I never learn.
later that night I was hit by the strangest realisation, I had known Intellectually how arbitrary my existence was, how bizarre human life really is, but now after such a huge change in perception,I truly felt a stranger in my own skin, I had woken up this person whose life-construct made no sense to me, even my Nihilism was strangely transformed into something I'm having trouble articulating.
A month ago, because I was bored and I could, I smoked salvia alone, reality crumbled, the walls of my apartment became interweaved hands, everything myself included felt as if made from play-doh, I got up and moved around the house for a reason I can't recall, probably trying to escape again, I went to lie in my bed and instead of my place I felt as if I was at my old parent's apartment again lying on my childhood bed, My world became miniscule, focused to the single room I was in, it was extremely bizzare because I felt as if I had been in this place before, as if i'd walked into a childhood secret i'd long had forgotten and was very silly for this reason. A menacing voice was telling me "you can't, you can't, you can't" probably because of my ignored wisdom that now was not the time to be visitting salvia-land, I had an intrusive thought about jumping out of a window, but not in my own voice, so i felt pretty in control jokingly saying "why's everyone talking about jumping out of windows all of a sudden?",then kept walking around my apartment confused, at times squating in a fetal position until I came to and recorded my experience in my journal.
AUTHOR : Whatiseveni
SOURCE : reddit
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