Hello fellow shroomers! I recently had an experience and journey that has changed my entire life, and I just needed to share it.
For some backstory: I've only recently gotten into psychedelics this year, having started with a mild dose of Thai Pink Buffaloes, before continuing to take small shroom doses every few weeks (and one LSD dose) to combat my depression and anxiety. I came off antidepressants last year as they were not helping me at all, and just making my life worse.
I was introduced to mushrooms by my brother and a close friend of mine. I decided recently that it was time to try my first Heroic Dose after speaking to them about my journey of self development, as well as reading up on the writings of Terrence McKenna.
Recently I've felt a change in my perception of self. I realized that I'm not happy with the way I treat myself as well as others, as well as the fact that I've let go of certain things that used to bring me so much happiness (writing and playing music for example, however this has started again since I've been experimenting with our mushy friends)
Two days ago, I decided it was time to further my journey. I acquired 5 grams of dried Golden Teachers, ordered some food (and kept it in the refrigerator as I had been fasting for the trip) and sat down in my room to begin. I ate the entire dose straight and washed it down with water while watching some YouTube. Everything seemed okay at first and I was just very relaxed.
15 minutes later, I felt a knot in my chest and I started sweating profusely. This always happens to me during onset. I focused on going outside and meditating a little bit, before taking a shower and getting into bed with some music. I'm not sure when it happened exactly, as my perception of time was entirely skewed at this point. All I remember is trying to pick music on my computer for the experience while an otherworldly force seemed to me pulling me to my bed. I remember saying "not now, just give me a few more minutes" to which I heard a voice from the back of my mind say "it's time."
I put on a playlist of ambient, relaxing synth music and collapsed into bed. I felt warm, I felt peace, but I also felt like I was being dragged lower into a hole. My ceiling began to sink down towards me as geometric patterns danced around my room to the beat of the music, and as I started to fall deeper into the trance, I saw a projection of myself.
I remember it so vividly. I was wearing a white shirt and pointing angrily back at myself, saying: "this is what you wanted. Are you happy now? Why are you not satisfied? What the fuck is wrong with you?" I was feeling anxious and worried, and this projection of me was fighting me for it. However, as I took a deep breath and attempted to let go, I saw him fade into the distance and try to reach out for me but he couldn't catch me. I let him go.
In an instant a flood of negative energy surged out of my body and I felt 10 times lighter. I heard the voices again. I heard them say "well done."
I tried to speak to them. I tried to ask what was happening, and all I heard was "you destroyed us. Now we will destroy you, but you will be safe. You will be okay. Let us take care of you." I listened and let go. It felt like I was being held under water but embraced with love and kindness. I felt like I was dying, but I knew I was breathing. Every now and then I would gasp for air as if I was being pulled out of water, but I knew I was okay. I gave myself to them. When I tried to move, I was met with "relax. Do not move. We are rebuilding you, and it will take time."
The moment I accepted that at that point in time I was dead and that it was beautiful, I felt like I transcended my own perception of reality. I saw them, I had something to attach the voices to. In front of me was a beautiful meadow, but it didn't seem like it was on earth. The trees were pink, the sky purple, and the grass was blue as the ocean. Under one of the trees, I saw a figure sitting with a fruit of some sort in its hand. It was mostly a silhouette, but from what I could make out it had the body of a human with a head in the shape of a water droplet. For a while I played hide and seek with them, running around the meadow in this alternate plain of existence, every now and then being pulled back into reality as I gasped for air. They told me to learn from them. To show love to myself as I show to others, to appreciate that because I don't matter, because I'm just a small speck of dust in the grand scheme (or lack thereof) of existence, I have the power to be who I want to be and to be happy. They told me to not forget my roots. To create, to love and to share. Most of all, they told me to let go.
In a flash, I awoke. They were still in the back of my mind, telling me to move slowly and to drink some water. I needed to feed my new body, to feed my new mind. As I got up, I felt stiff, as if I had just spent about 4 hours at the gym. I slowly made my way to the kitchen and ate some food. I heard them say that they needed to leave me now, but that I should take what I learned to heart and remember their words. I settled into a chair and played some guitar. It was beautiful, I cried tears of joy in that moment because I felt like a completely new human being. I settled into bed and listened to some music and began to contemplate what I saw while I came down. I'm still processing it all. All I know is that I feel like I've been rebuilt anew. That I have the power to make of this life what I want. And that is beautiful.
Thank you for reading my report. It may sound crazy to some, but it was the most beautiful and surreal experience of my life.
AUTHOR: Woopersnaper
Source: Reddit
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